The Melancholy of Magical Mr Mistoffelees
by Solitary Shadow
Summary: Misto wants to go with Vicky to the Ball. Doesn't have the courage to ask her. Asks advice from the toms of the tribe. Chaos ensues. Should be a fairly long story.
1. Tumblebrutus

**Disclaimer:** T. S. Eliot, ALW and RUG owns CATS.

**Author's Note:** One of those cliche 'Misto likes Vicky and goes looking for advice and ends up dancing with her at the Ball' stories with a twist. Should be pretty long, and self-explanatory.

Another attempt of mine to turn a cliche plot into a reasonably original one. Meh.

It's a shame, though, because some fics in the CATS section has plots that has been done so many times that it gets boring. I know that we can't escape that element called cliche no matter what we write, but it's a real shame that the good FF writers are leaving because of fics that are cliched or don't belong in this section. And I really don't want this fic or any others to end up like that, y'know...? There's just so much potential, so much things that can be done with this fandom. I'm not a very good writer, because I'm not much older than thirteen and I'm not a master at english. But I do try, and I think that's what's important.

Enough of the depressing rant, now. On to the story.

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Mistoffelees sighed.

"Misto, you've sighed for the one hundred fifty-eighth time today." Tumblebrutus remarked. "I think it's high time you decided to say something for once. It's not like you say much anyway, but you've got to say something, because you've called me out here to tell me of your worry and now you're just sighing."

"I'm worried, Tumble." Misto said in a low voice.

"I gathered that."

"You know, the Jellicle Ball is coming soon. Have you got a partner?" Misto asked, oblivious to the patched tom's comment.

"Sure, I'm going with Skimbleshanks." The brown-white tom said indifferently.

"WHAT?!"

"Just kidding, Misto." Tumble grinned brightly. "Scared you there for a while, haven't I? Of course Skimble's going with Jenny. I haven't got a partner."

"Thank Bastet...!" Misto gasped, rubbing his chest. "You really had me freaked out there. So you don't have anyone to go with?" He stiffened suddenly. "Do you have anyone you particularly fancy, then?"

"I had Electra on my mind, but she's all head over heels for Tugger anyway. I'm not too worried about a partner." Tumble sat up a little straighter. "That's what you're worried about? You fancy somebody?"

"Yeah." Misto muttered quietly. Tumble hooted with laughter. No wait, he's not an owl. He... meowed with laughter? Purred with laughter? Oh, let's just go with 'hooted with laughter'. Anyway, so Tumble hooted with laughter and grinned slyly at his friend.

"Who do you like, then?" He made kissing noises, knowing that it would annoy the magician cat. "Ooh, our ickle magician all grown up already?"

"Tumble, I'm serious! It's... well..." He stammered. "It's Vicky."

"Oh, her?" The patched tom replied indifferently, leaning on his back to look up at the blue sky. "You two are the best dancers in this whole tribe, Misto. Of course she'll go with you. Just ask her."

"But how?!" Misto cried. "I get all stupid and shy... when I try to tell her... I mean, she's one of the more popular ones! I'm not popular, I'm all shy and quiet when she's so outgoing-"

"So don't go with her."

"Tumble!"

"Misto," Tumble sat up to look up at the young tuxedo cat. "There's little point in trying to get someone who doesn't like you to go with you to the Ball, I know. Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to tell you that she doesn't like you. Quite the opposite, in fact. If you want to ask her out, do it now. Otherwise she'll be taken by one of the toms. But do think about your choice, you know?"

"I know." Misto hung his head sadly. "But I really do like her..."

"I understand, Misto. There isn't any point in angsting about it, though, so just relax and chill out for a while. That way you'll be feeling much better."

Tumblebrutus, even though he was a tad older, expressed no interest in taking a mate or going out with a queen; he liked Electra, Mistoffelees knew, but Tumble was rather shy as well to be honest. He knew that the patched tom wouldn't make a move for a while.

But Mistoffelees sometimes envied Tumble's ability to smile and relax even in the most stressful times. What would it feel like to be worriless and jolly like that all the time? Tumble was special; he was still adolescent, but he was nowhere near as depressed as Misto was. The tuxedo tom really did appreciate his laid-back, cheerful friend.

"Tumble?"

"Hmmm?"

"Do you think Vicky's nice?"

"Oh, she's nice, alright." Tumble replied. "She's not that bad, and she isn't too vain either. Vicky's just fine." He paused. "I still fancy Electra more than I do her, though, so don't worry."

Tumble was a real puzzle sometimes.

Ah well, Misto thought. He could always ask someone else for advice. Someone who hung around with a queen all the time.

Maybe Mungojerrie.

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Short, I know. The next chapter will be longer, I promise.

Like it so far? Please tell me what you think!


	2. Mungojerrie

**Disclaimer:** First chapter.

**Author's Note:** Misto and Mungo. Would the latter be helpful? Read on and find out.

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"Mungojerrie and Rumpelteazer-" Mistofeelees sang softly as he walked up Victoria Grove. "They're a notorious couple of cats-"

"As knock-about clowns, quick-change comedians and tight-rope walkers and-"

"Acrobats!"

Mistoffelees screamed and looked around wildly, to see Mungojerrie's grinning face looking down at him from up a tree. "Fooled you," He laughed, facing the tuxedo tom.

"I- _Mungo_!" Misto gasped. "What in _Bastet's name _are you doing up there?"

"Ever heard of slouchin'?"

"But..." Misto hesitated. "Won't you... be.. able to get down?"

"The Fire Brigade does that for me, Misto. You should try it sometime. Their faces...!" Mungojerrie chuckled again, rolling about in his branch. After a second or so he stopped grinning and looked down at the tuxedo tom again. "So, did you want me for something, Misto?"

"Oh, yes!" Misto said excitedly. "You know the Jellicle Ball is coming soon? Well... there's this one queen I want to go with, and I can't ask her, I just feel too shy. What can I do?"

"Mmm?" Mungojerrie sat up, looking interested. "Who_ is _the queen?"

"Vicky."

"Victoria, yes." The tiger tom smiled and nodded. "She's a fine queen. So you don't have the courage to ask her?" Misto shook his head.

"But why did you come to me, Misto? Surely Tugger knows best? I've only had Rumpelteazer for my whole life. She's more than enough for me, and I haven't gone around courting and chasing queens, I'm afraid. Why didn't you ask Tugger first?"

Mistoffelees stiffened. "Never." He said harshly. "I will never stoop down as low as that."

Mungojerrie chuckled. "Ah, someone who thinks that Tugger isn't all he seems to be. That's enlightening."

"Look, Mungo... I'm serious. I need advice now."

"Listen, Misto," Mungo looked down to him, whispering. "There's only one way to ask a queen out."

"What's that?"

"_Just ask her out_!" Mungojerrie laughed, and disappeared between the branches, still laughing fit to burst.

Mungojerrie was _no help _whatsoever.

Still, what did he expect? He had asked a member of the Notorious Duo to help him out. No way, no way in Heaviside would that be any help.

And the tiger tom would probably go around blabbing to Rumpelteazer as well.

"I'm so stupid," Misto muttered under his breath. "Asking Mungo for advice... I must be going mad..."

Well, who next?

He had abandoned Tumblebrutus quite quickly in his hurry to ask for advice. Pouncival was out scavenging, Alonzo and Munkustrap were away, Plato was somewhere and Admetus was too busy practicing dancing.

"Who better to ask than older toms with experience?" Misto thought aloud, and scampered off as fast as he could.

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Uh, yeah. Sorry about the LONG delay. My computer blew.

I'm on a new one now. Yayness. The next chapter will be so much longer than this one.


	3. The Older Trio

**Disclaimer:** First chapter.

**Author's Note:** This chapter.. is really random. I was high on walnuts at the time. Don't ask...

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"Maybe Bustopher will have the answer..." Mistoffelees murmured as he jogged down St. James Street. "Where is he, anyway?"

As he passed the 'Stage and Screen', he tripped.

Muttering curses under his breath, he picked himself up and looked down. A solitary candy corn lay innocently on the pavement, looking throughly chewed.

"What the.."

Suddenly, the doors of the Stage and Screen burst open, and Bustopher burst out, a wild look on his face.

"Candy corn!" He screamed. "_CANDY CORN!!!!_"

"Bustopher! Here's your candy corn, I believe, and can I ask you someth-" Mistoffelees was interrupted when Bustopher Jones snatched the candy corn out of his paws with a demented howl, his eyes dillated and wide.

"NO! MY CANDY CORN!!!!" He shouted. "What are you doing with it?!"

"Nothing! I just wanted-"

"_Get out of here!!!!_" Bustopher shouted. "I'm not letting you have my candy corn! _SunnybunnymonstereliotcandyJellicle_!" Then, he slammed the door in Mistoffelees's face. "There, there, Mr. Rodney," He soothed the candy, glaring at the dumbstruck tuxedo tom. "Who's my baby then? Hawhaw..."

"I swear that cat's on a permanent sugar high," Misto managed to say. "Everlasting _Cat_..."

---------------

A few minutes later, he returned to the junkyard. Tumblebrutus was napping, Pouncival was scavenging, and he could see several other cats just getting on with their daily routine. He sighed and crouched down in the pipe, sulkingly watching all the other toms.

Tugger walked by, bagpipes in his paws, playing 'When the Blue Bonnets Come Over the Border'.

"Why in Bastet's name are you playing that?" Misto asked disbelievingly. Tugger smirked.

"Jellicle Ball in a few days' time?_ Hello?_ Pekes and the Pollicles rehearsal, maybe?" He grinned. "Looks like our ickle magician isn't so perfect after all. Who're you going with anyway?"

"None of your business." Misto rolled over, turning his back on the maned tom.

"Just remember, if you need someone, I've got some queens spare." And then, Tugger walked away, playing again. Misto groaned, and clapped his paws over his ears.

Tugger was so out of tune.

"_STOP_ THAT RACKET!!!" A famillar voice suddenly screamed.

The junkyard fell silent.

Misto darted out, and watched. Everyone was staring at the three toms; Skimbleshanks and Asparagus were sitting by the giant tyre, and Tugger was staring at them, his mouth agape, bagpipes held loosely in his arms. Skimble was glaring at the maned tom.

"You ain't even playing properly, m'lad, and you're out of tune," Skimbleshanks yelled. "Go back to your _damned_ hut and practice properly _before_ playing it. _I ain't listening to that racket no more. _Why, your finger positions are all _wrong_, and the third tube is _crooked!_"

Tugger burst into tears.

"I want my daddy," He cried. "You're so_ horrible_, Skimble!" He ran back to his hut, still weeping. The rest of his fanclub followed him.

"That was a bit harsh, Skimble." Asparagus muttered. "And what's with that weird accent?"

"The author likes to torture me, that's why." Skimbleshanks sighed and sank back down. "And I should know! I'm Scottish. I honestly don't know what Munkustrap was thinking when he told Tugger to play the bagpipes. I'm the one who can really capture that Scottish spirit-"

"Excuse me," Misto's timid voice rang out. "Can I talk to you?"

"Mistoffelees!" Skimble smiled. "Why, of course!"

"I'm not interrupting your conversation, am I?"

"Of course not." Asparagus replied. "Feel free to talk to us."

Mistoffelees nodded and sat down next to the two toms. "By the way, Skimble... that was brilliantly handled. Tugger needed a lesson."

"Glad to see I'm not alone." Skimble chuckled. "What do you wish you talk about?"

"The best way to attract a queen."

Skimble froze.

"So what exactly is the best way to attract a queen?" Misto continued to ask.

"Uh... _that_, my lad..."

Asparagus came to Skimble's rescue. "The first thing is to give her a lot of attention, and a little bit of romantic nuance doesn't hurt either. Don't rush it too much. Victoria won't want a tom who's pushy and unromantic."

Misto stared. "Wait! How did you know?"

"Wait a few more years. You'll just know that kind of thing." Asparagus smiled wisely. "It worked with me and Jelly."

"Thank you," Misto turned back to Skimble. "How did you attract Jenny's attention, Skimble?" He asked directly.

Skimble whimpered and curled up into a ball, sobbing.

"Oh, Mistoffelees," Asparagus murmured. "You shouldn't have said that. You see... Skimble was too shy in his earlier years to approach anyone. Jenny was the one to ask him out."

"Oh..." Mistoffelees gasped, understanding downing upon him. "Does that mean... Skimble never had a relationship with anyone else but Jenny because he was too shy?"

Asparagus nodded.

Misto instantly regretted asking Skimble; he hadn't meant to open any old wounds. He felt that it was best to leave now, and said goodbye, excusing himself. He could hear, as he left, Skimble sobbing and Asparagus comforting him.

"There, there, Skimble... Misto didn't know. It's all over now."

"But why, Asparagus, _why?! Why, Bastet, why?!_" Skimble cried. "Am I really _that _unromantic? What if Jenny doesn't love me anymore?"

"Never knew he was so lovesick..." Misto murmured to himself.

Time to sleep and forget about everything.

"I got some tips, anyway... I'll ask Addy and Pounce tomorrow... _g'night mummy_..." Those were the last things he said before he fell deeply asleep.

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O.o

Ah, how I love making Skimble's life miserable. Even though I love him to death...


	4. Admetus

**Disclaimer:** First chapter.

**Author's Note:** Sorry for the lateness, everyone. I was busy and had a mild writer's block too. But I'm back now, and the story should progress faster.

This is a nice Admetus segment. Please enjoy!

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"Addy."

A snore.

"Addy."

Another snore.

"_Admetus_!!!"

The patched grey-brown tom awoke, shaking his head, looking around wildly. "Wha? Who is it? What's going on?"

"Ad, it's me, Misto." Mistoffelees answered, sitting next to Admetus, who had been sleeping inside the oven. "Wake up. The sun's gone up now."

"Has it?" Admetus opened the oven door and looked. "You're right. Well, give me a moment, Misto, and I'll clean up all my stuff. I'll be with you in a second." Mistoffelees nodded, and walked out of the oven, taking in deep breaths of fresh morning air. Admetus was his first choice for an advisor, seeing as Pouncival was out scavenging yet again and Admetus was the more sensible of the two. He might be able to get some information out of the tom.

"_No, Tumble_!" A voice screamed from another side of the junkyard. Misto got up quickly, bewildered at the sudden shattering of silence.

"_Stay out_!" The washing machine opened, and Tumblebrutus... tumbled... out. Misto could faintly see a patch of reddish-black fur, and then the door slammed shut with a bang. Stifling his laughter, the black-and-white tom ran towards Tumble, who was getting quite painfully to his feet.

"What happened?"

"I only wanted to wish Electra good morning and ask her out for a date..." Tumblebrutus muttered, rubbing his back. "Seems like she won't go with me to the Ball after that one." He winced.

"Bad luck, Tumble." Misto chuckled. "Try again this evening or tomorrow."

"Maybe I really should go with Skimbleshanks after all." Tumblebrutus grumbled, but winked.

"He'll have your skin for that."

"I know." The patched tom was walking slowly to his own hut. "Misto, you saw nothing!" He called back, and then he went inside his hut, shutting the door.

A soft chuckle sounded behind the magician tom, who turned around to see Admetus standing behind him. "You know, for a near-adult tom, Tumble can sure be immature." He laughed. "He should know that toms don't go into queens' huts without permission!"

"Sure, Ad." Misto answered, making a mental note. "Um... I wanted to ask you something. Can you come with me to the back of the 'yard?"

"Of course." The grey-brown tom nodded, although he looked surprised. They proceeded to quickly scarper over to the back.

"You know, Ad, the Ball is coming soon?" A nod. "Well, have you got a partner?"

"I have, actually." He smiled. "I'm going with Tantomile!"

"_What_?!"

"Coricopat didn't mind." He shrugged, grinning. "So who are you going with, then?"

"That's the problem, Ad." Misto sighed. "You see... I want to go with Vicky, but I don't know how to ask her out. What should I do?"

"Vicky?" A puzzled frown. "You can't ask her out?"

Mistoffelees nodded, blushing. Admetus didn't notice, however, because he was thinking hard as well.

"First, be romantic. Don't be too flattering, though. Play hard to get. You can charm her with a bit of your magic if you want. Not literally," Admetus added hastily as the tom in front of him opened his mouth in protest. "Just a little trick or something. Secondly, you'll have to give her quite a lot of attention once she agrees."

"Queens are too difficult to ask out." Misto muttered. The grey-brown tom laughed.

"I felt the same, you know. Tantomile was understanding, at least - I was more scared of Coricopat disagreeing. Vicky doesn't have that problem, so you should be okay."

"Right. Thanks, Ad! I'll keep that in mind!" Misto stood up and ran towards the tyre, waving back.

"Ask her out as soon as possible, Misto!" Admetus called. "She won't be free for long!"

"That's comforting." Misto murmured. "That's very comforting, Ad."

He felt lighter and happier as he skipped back to his pipe. Now he could formulate a plan to ask her out in private. He crawled deep into his pipe.

And screamed.

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_Cliffhanger!!!!!!_

(Giggle)

The next chapter should be up soon!


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